This one, like a lot of this album, has been a long time coming. Originally this track had no vocal, and I had no intent for one, but I had mashed it up with a song called "White Lies" by I See Stars. Just one of those, randomly go out on a limb because it's in the same key things. It was way too cool sounding to not have proper lyrics attached to the released version of the song. Initially, in all honesty, I was working with another vocalist on it. However, some ulterior circumstances meant it was impossible for me to release the song with said vocalist involved. So then, who do I ask to make a dark, brooding, emotional vocal about being alone with your depression... well of course there is only one answer.
Syberlilly: I deliberately shy away from documenting personal experiences via songwriting, but Kindrid's collaboration permitted an opportunity for reflection and emotional articulation I dare not venture through were it my conventional creative process. I am immensely grateful for Kindrid and this piece for allowing me to unsheathe such fears and explore a textual vulnerability I had previously neglected. "Long Night of Solace" is certainly a chronicle of depression, but, more accurately, psychotropic medications and their ramifications for those who are deeply insecure and doubtful of their right to even achieve stability and happiness at all. There is a choice to be made in simply beginning the path of betterment, and, upon assessing that one is "worthy" of said choice, there may arise a challenge once the "old self" begins to resurface. This prescribed regularity can distort itself into a kind of ritualistic apathy, wherein someone feels subservient to normalcy. This can have myriad origins, whether it be doubt, distress, or sheer dread.
Objectively, in this track, I wanted to capitalize on the unique numbness medications can create, as well as the liminal psychological space it inhabits in which the mind begs for liberation, the antithetical stability of instability. Engaging with mental health issues may provide stimulation inside of an otherwise listless state of being, and it presents an inherent warmth of familiarity, becoming the "default" form of one's existence. In essence, I wanted to encapsulate the mutation of the soul and its desires, how mental disorders begin to usurp individual truths. Reinforcing this includes medicalized diction; a "return of form", so to speak, may pose a threat to the corrupted autonomy chronic mental disorders can establish. This may breed insecurities surrounding the very prospect of needing help, following a condemnation of oneself in a purgatory of clinical observation and reflection. Thus we feel inept in a "vestigial" body, and routine medication renders an "acquiescence" instead of "tolerance", further evoking skepticism and a sense of "otherness" when "the real self" may signal emergence. Reality presents that all are deserving of healing and progression, but perpetuity of suffering can thwart the possibility of help; remaining in such headspaces can result in adaptation, with improvement being met with indignation.
And I am so glad she was able to write what she did for this track. Absolutely haunting, all of it. Incredible work, Syberlilly. Thank you making such meaningful music with me.
As previously mentioned vaguely, Long Night of Solace is about a depressive episode. In reality, the entire album is, but specifically this song. Long Night of Solace went through about 7 versions, the first of which I made in September of 2021. A time in which I should've felt on top of the world. I had just opened for one of my all-time greatest musical inspirations, Notaker. Which was a blast, and he is one of the most wholesome and genuine people I have ever met especially in this scene. But, despite all that, I felt absolutely horrible. Nothing made me feel better. Despite that feeling, I pushed myself to write some music, and what came out was the first version of this song. It was an exploration for me in a different form of writing, in that as a generally melodically inspired artist I usually start with a chord progression, but with this track I started with the bass you hear in the first section. It wasn't the first time I used that bass, either. At the time I was obsessed with the main bass heard in Moody Good's Fall In Love Remix (you can hear it prominently in my track Indignation) and even today its one of my go-to presets/techniques for sound design. Granted, it's just FM from B (actually its PM not FM, they fixed this in serum 2 lol) with two saw waves, but it sounds awesome. So, it was my comfy place, it was a place I was familiar, sort of like my unfortunately familiar place of being woefully and helplessly depressed for seemingly no reason. And in that comfort, I was able to explore a little bit, internally and in my writing. And what came out was the first part of this song. The second part, super saw chords with bass fills, is another comfort place. And that's largely what this song is, comfort in a desperate place. A Long Night of Solace if you will.
Small aside though, the small drum fills that are chopped loops from sample packs, I definitely stole that idea from Sysdemes. We were in communication at the time quite frequently, and I was pretty inspired by that idea, so... I stole it! Sorry not sorry! Seriously though shouts out.
Sometime last year, when doing the last big production pass on all of these songs, I wanted to better reflect the feeling of sort of outward pain. Every once in a while, I go back to the soundtrack for V for Vendetta. And, while the music in that movie is largely associated with the climax being 1812 Overture by Tchaikovsky, I personally found inspiration in the primary theme that is also featured in the one of the movie's trailers (that I cant find lol). That track is called "Evey Reborn" and it's at the point in the film where the protagonist Evey is released from the interrogation cell by V and is metaphorically rebirthed from her fear. In the context of this song, I found that extremely apt, and you can see that reflected in the chord progression of the second drop.
Now, the keen eyed among you may have noticed that the title "Long Night of Solace" is not an original one. Indeed, I took it, from Halo: Reach. For the uninitiated, In Halo: Reach, the Long Night of Solace is a campaign mission in which you destroy the covenant supercarrier... "Long Night of Solace". And in the process of destroying said ship, the bomb you are using is damaged, and your fellow spartan Jorge-052 sacrifices his life to make sure it detonates and destroys the invading ship. Roughly 30 seconds later, as you are floating in space by yourself, like 15 more supercarriers appear. It was all for naught. He died for nothing. That mission, and that title, stuck with me for years. And now, I can evoke those feelings of hopelessness again in my track "Long Night of Solace". I cannot wait to share the rest of my journey with you all.
Inspiration:
